Sunday, November 4, 2007

A champion time waster, that's me!

It is impossible to be bored to tears. Tears imply emotion, whereas boredom is more or less apathy. Then again, I suppose one could become frustrated about this state, and frustration leads to emotion, which could lead to tears. But a direct connection between boredom and crying is impossible and therefore ludicrous.

I am now bored, but that boredom is mixed up with frustration and that sense of dread that always comes my way on Sunday afternoons. Damn, I do have to go write that scene. But I don't, really! I can post on my blog instead!!!!!!!!

But I'll eventually have to write this frickin scene. And by eventually, I mean, like, before it's due at five tommorrow. And I sure as hell am not waiting until then.

Do you ever make lists? I have an affection for them. They come in many varieties and are often underused or limited to the everyday, muslin variety of to-do lists.

If you ever want to make a list, here are some ideas:

  1. List everything you despise that begins with 'a' and ends with 'a'. Like, er, agoraphobia.
  2. Order your friendships. Make a real popularity pyramid out of it. Then drop it discretely on the floor next to one of their rooms, and watch as your friends--disappear! MAGIC!
  3. List every word you know. No dictionaries, that's cheating.
  4. List all operas that require a contralto and a coluratura soprano. And please, only those written between 1834 and 1972.
  5. List the number of times you've had to clean the litterbox. Although, I guess, you could just write down one number and that would make a pretty lame list.
  6. List the locations (complete address) of every bathroom you've used since January, 1976.
  7. List, in great detail, all your dreams about Gene Wilder.
  8. Make a list of 100 reasons your list should never be published. Now, go find a publisher.
  9. 100 uses for an OATMEAL COOKIE!
  10. 100 reasons why I should be writing my scene, and not posting on my frickin blog.
  11. Oooh, ooo, one more! 100 reasons why we should develop sticky tounges. I'll give you one I thought of yesterday: one could eat Pirate's Booty and take notes at the same time without getting the paper all cheesy.

Get to it! I want these lists, all of them, by 5:00 tommorrow!

3 comments:

cindy silverstein said...

Really enjoyed this one, Katie. The list was a real cheerer upper. How about a list of how many times a day I check my own blog? I set up an account with feedburner today so people can subscribe to my blog and I was the first one to subscribe. Isn't that sad? Now I can look on my account to how many people have subscribed. Hmm. Let's see. One.

Anthony said...

1. Algebra

2. I refuse to destroy any of my friendships intentionally, so sorry, can’t do this one.

3. Pink, blue, green, white, gray, red, orange, county, country, city, state, nation, world, universe, university, college, school, prep, text, book, script, parchment, quill, pen, pencil, lead, leave, leaf, long, lounge, loft, lofty, high, sky, cloud, heaven, god, goddess, polytheism, pantheism, God, monotheism, ecumenical, council, church, father, orthodox, catholic, apostolic, holy, unholy, devilish, satanic, depraved, devoid, diluted, refuted, obsolete, concrete, mystique, mystical, mystic, medium, large, super, size, fries, burger, ham, chicken, sandwich, meat, loaf, bread, water, wine, honey, locusts, locomotive, train, plane, automobile, horse, road, army, navy, military, air, force, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, apostle, supper, dinner, breakfast, lunch, tea, time, biscuit, cookie, pastry, cake, coffee, milk, cow…dear Goddess this is going to take far too long. I’m ending here.

4. Don’t know much about opera, except for Phantom.

5. Never.

6. See the end of three.

7. Everything I write should be published. So there.

8. You could eat it, throw it at an enemy, throw it at a friend as a prank, use it as currency in Slovakia, give it to the President to make him happy after he is informed that, yet again, there have been no WMDs found in Iraq…

9. But blogging is fun!

10. You talk to Richard Dawkins about that, not me.

Madeline said...

OATMEAL COOKIE!!!!

I read the rest of your post and liked it, but I have to tell you I was really distracted by OATMEAL COOKIE. It's burned into my brain now.