Wednesday, July 23, 2008

What is the title of this Boondoggle?*

So I'm lazy. Sorry about that.

In addition to actually imbibing sloth itself, I have this nasty habit of blurting out (if one can blurt in print) the fact. Any attempt to shield from my public my inner nature is thus foiled from the get-go (does anyone else have the desire to take a cue from Petco and recite: "Getgo. Where the Gets go." Or is that just me?), and pretending purity of heart and prolificicity** becomes an instant sham.

I must also enlist my vast storehouse of mental and physical--the existence of the latter unfortunately in heated dispute--capabilities to refrain from beginning every post or line with common phrases such as 'The thing is', 'anyway', etc. because such language cannot possibly coincide with my brave, self-sacrificing mission to convince America that I am as smart as I appear to be.

Perhaps this verbal dodderage that clutters the beginnings of each post is simply my manner of um-ing my way through the bullshit that one must sort through before the final gem of a post.

And now that we're there--

But wait. It's not as if I don't know what to write; contrary to my long held belief that good stories are like classroom acquaintances (they only call you once a year when they're out with croup and they need the Geometry problem sets), I've found that they're actually a lot more like my friend Devin. Namely, they aim to hug at all possible opportunities.

Maybe I'm just frightened. I like that word. It's so quaint. Someone who uses the word 'frightened' can't possibly have much to be afraid of, don't you think? Only people from, like, eighteenth century England used that word. Not like the rest of this post at all.

* Boondoggle n. v. 1. Work of little value done merely to keep or look busy. 2. to do such work.
Post title inspired (who am I kidding, directly stolen from) mother's reading, after which she exclaimed "What is the title of this Boondoggle?"

Neither of us knew the meaning of this word.

**Spellcheck (i.e. my mother) informs me that the word is actually 'proliferation'. And my imbecility comes out again in the form of (a) spelling mishaps and (b) the fact that I informed you of said spelling mishap.

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